| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2008|05:12 pm] |
Oh, Rascal Flatts, you explain me so well.
Tears should be rolling down my cheek
And I don't know why I'm not falling apart
Like I usually do
And how the thought of losing you's not killing me
I feel bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
I can let myself be angry over wasted time
And sad about just throwing love away
Yeah I almost wish my heart was breaking
But I cant lie
All I want to do is turn the page
I feel Bad
That I can stand here strong
Cold as stone, Seems so wrong
I can't explain it
Maybe it's just
I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb Baby I hate it
I feel bad
That I don't feel bitter, alone
I just feel its time, its time to move on
I just gotta move on and on and on and on
Yeah
Baby it's just I've cried so much
I'm tired and I'm numb baby I hate it
I feel bad that I don't feel bad
No, I don't feel bad
I'm actually happy, you let me go. Now if only I could quit having nightmares of you. But in all honesty, I feel bad that I don't feel bad. When I left Saturday, I cut all ties and quit expecting from you. Its an eerie feeling to have moved myself on completely. And it feels oh so good.
But I'm better when you're gone
I'm certain that I've given and oh how you can take
There's no use in you looking
There's nothing left for you to break
Baby please release me
Let my heart rest in pieces
Someone let you down again
So you turn to me
Your convenient friend
Oh but I know what you're doing
And what you hope to find
I've seen it a thousand times
Oh the fire we had before
Are now just bitter ashes
Left scattered on the floor |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|11:08 pm] |
From this point on, all entries are Friends Only
Comment to be added
 |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 5th, 2006|01:01 am] |
at least comment this one
I am loving God every second of my life now since I've been saved. At night I'm not empty and I'm not writing to myself saying "I am displaced".
I do miss some of my friends, and I am really eager to meet new people. I dont know why though, I just would like some new faces in my life, be it online or here. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 10th, 2006|03:49 pm] |
this weekend i will be gone! EEE! IM going snowboarding. so tight.
If Cicely Garnier and Brittany Hitson were boys, we would be married and all three of us would live together. I completely think I would not of come this far without you two. We will ALWAYS stick together. Through thick and thin and medium.
Now here is a picture of my two best friends and my lovers:
(Note: THESE ARE ALL CICELYS PITCHERS BECAUSE THEY ARE AWESOME)
Britt
CECECECECE. She pierced dat
Aren't they super infinite hot? I know they are.
And us all together
Always we will be like that!
♥ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2006|07:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
Wow okay. I just give up on boys. you are everything they are about and they want someone completely opposite. you try to please or be ideal to something they like, and they don't want you. im so sick of being unspokenly rejected. every boy is fucking in love with someone else. its like, "HEY i met you too late, i love someone else even though she'll probably break my heart." what? im not adorned with hopsitality anymore.
and my grammar typing is lousy because i need to vent this out. I want someone to wait on me. I want someone to be in love with me.
I see there are three things ive done for all my boyfriends;
i make them kool aid
i give them fruit roll ups
and i hold their hand & hug them lots
but nobody wants that. and it seems like your supposed to change for every boy, because they are all different. and when you think you have what they like figured out, you dont. and you just fall and feel numb and worthless and disgusting. its sickening that i do this everytime.
i just listen to music. i hate how thats all i am , ALL I AM IS MUSIC! im sick of it. i have to be something more, right? but thats all i feel
its basically the only thing i have left to make me happy. i feel like im extra ordinarily dumb to have music to make me happy. itll always be there, but there's really no depth to it. if you think about it.
i want to be something more. i want a boy to see who i really am behind all this crap and fronts. there's no one waiting on me.
oh shit, now im all in tears. i dont cry while things are going on. i cry later. or it all just comes out in some huge break in my life.
i actually think i miss being that grunge kid who didn't give a flying fuck about anything in anyone elses life, because i lived in the ghetto and i was so poor and sad and depressed. i didnt have friends and i didnt care much about fashion or make up or material shit. All i wanted was Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins and Kittie and STP. never mind, i dont want to go back to that. but its what everyone in montgomery remembers me as and what ive come to be known as today. its good when people remember you.
every boy i meet has a love and a girlfriend.
i know i dont have any nice, intellictual, handsome, boy that will wait for me and is in love with me.
no one really notices me. i feel like im becoming normal again. but boys dont notice me.
Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day
Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's cracked leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses
My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake
Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses
And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|04:13 pm] |
LOLLLLLLLLLL I HAT3 YOU SO MUCH
HAHAH |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 5th, 2006|04:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | frequency number- | ] |
I take bad pictures. I take baaddddddddd pictures.
I hate my schedule.
1ST block- I have Algebra 1 and I hate the teacher already. Plus I sit in between two people i've been with. Someone said that it will be interesting.
2ND block-Biology Honors, but this is going to be fun. While in that class today it was good, besides being joked on. And repeating myself.
3RD block- I HATE IT! its stupid girls PE. The worst thing about this block is we go to lunch very last. It's so boring and I hate sports or working out.
4TH block- Art II, and I hate it. This is a repeat of what we covered last semester. There are two guys in there who keep staring at me and its uncomfortable. But I talk to Miranda and Bailey so I guess that'll be okay. As oppossed to being all by my lonesome.
Everyone made my day difficult when it didn't have to be. I wish April were back in school because everyone is killing me with fakeness and bitchyness. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|12:08 am] |
| [ | music |
| | charlottes myspace- i know i know i know | ] |
I can barely go a day without updating.
I think I am getting back together with _____.
Haha, you'd never guess. Or you could.
If you talk to me personally, you know who!!!
SO anyways. Alison spent the night yesterday and tonight. We had light saber wars last night. Woke up today and babysat sisters, then we met Trey and Clay over at the park. I took them on the cross country trail and we got run over by a boy on a 4 wheeler, so scary. Dares to cross the river on a log. Then we get home and go to Sams. We spent so long there. And this guy literally FOLLOWED us everywhere. To the point where it got really scary and he'd pretend to be talking on the cell phone. I was looking at this Egyption culture book and he walked right past me. madfkljdf that was crazy. He even followed us out to the parking lot. what a jokerr!
Life life life.
( Read more... ) |
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| Don't say things you don't mean |
[Jan. 2nd, 2006|11:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | no hardcore dancing in the living room-chiodos | ] |
^ Refer to it, and keep it in your pocket.
I'm really glad i'm not you. i'm really glad im not her.
you try to be such a fucking player, and you look like such a fucking loser.
For the first time in my life, I'm proud To be who I am. I guess because I see what i've got and what've I've lost to be here. I'm pretty suprised i'm even alive after everything i've done to myself, and everything that's went on in my life. i can accept people for people.
BLAHHHHHH none of this self-progression means anything to really anyone but myself. As well I understand it shouldn't so I'm not upset.
I wish everyone would stop overdoing things.
Example;
-Mullets are overdone, and were copied from trailor trash. Yet girls/guys who have them spread "COUTURE COUTURE, IM SO CHANEL!" everywhere. If you had any class, you'd obviously know you're being oxymoron, you moron.
-And, yes, lets go there, neon colors. But I can't really put a piece in on this one because I honestly used to like neon colors. Now they hurt my eyeballs and its fading, but not fast enough.
-One last thing, for my reference, overused phrases and lyrics. Drop it, ok?
But it's ok.
Now for some lyrics from the dresden dolls and my fave. song by them, Good Day;
so you dont want to hear about my good song?
and you dont want to hear about how i am getting on
with all the things that i can get done
the sun is in the sky & i am by my lonesome
so you don't want to hear about my good day?
you have better things to do than to hear me say
god its been a lovely day! everything is going my way
i took out the trash today and i'm on fire...
so you don't want to hear about my good friends?
you dont have the guts to take the truth or consequence
success is in the eye of the beholder
and its looking even better over your cold shoulder
i'm not suggesting you up and line me up for questioning
but jesus think about the bridges you are burning
and i'm betting
that even though you knew it from the start
you'd rather be a bitch than be an ordinary broken heart
so go ahead and talk about your bad day...
i want all the details of the pain and misery
that you are inflicting on the others
i consider them my sisters and i'd like their numbers
god its been a lovely day! everything is going my way
i took up croquet today and i'm on fire
i picked up the pieces of my broken ego
i have finally made my peace as far as you and me go
but i'd love to have you up to see the place
& i'd like to do more than survive i'd like to rub it in your face.....
hey! its been a lovely day! everything is going my way
i had so much fun today and i'm on fire
god it's been a lovely day everything's been going my way
ever since you went away hey i'm on fire.....
i'm on fire...
i'm on fire...
so you dont want to hear about my good day?
ps- you are a douche. you know who you are.
no make up
got those = for my coldplay |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|08:38 pm] |
ITS SO NICE, SITTING VERY STILL
IN A ROOM WHERE NO ONE ELSE CAN FEEL
THE PAIN THAT BREAKS MY HEART EACH DAY, IM NOT OK.
SUNLIGHT SHINING THROUGH MY WINDOW,
LETS ME KNOW THAT IM STILL ALIVE
WHY DID I EVER LET YOU INSIDE MY HEART?
PAINT MY FACE IN SHADES OF BLOOD AND GREY
AND TAKE THE SEAT RIGHT NEXT TO ME
BUT I SHOULDVE KNOWN THAT YOU WERE A KILLER
A GAPING HOLE, SHOT THROUGH MY HEART
A LOST CONNECTION FROM YOUR POISON DART
YOULL NEVER KNOW. YOULL NEVER KNOW
A GAPING HOLE, SHOT THROUGH MY HEART
A LOST CONNECTION FROM YOUR POISON DART
MY HEAD NOW SPINS AND MY EARS BLEED GOLD
I TRY SO FUCKING HARD, BUT I CANT FIT YOUR MOLD.
YOU RIPPED MY HEART OUT, YOU TORE MY EYES OUT, NOW YOURE GONNA PAY
ILL STAB YOU ONE TIME
ILL EAT YOUR HEART OUT SO YOU FEEL MY PAIN
DONT YOU KNOW THAT I ALWAYS SEE YOU IN ALL OF MY DREAMS?
I WANNA KILL YOU. I WANNA KILL YOU. NOW IM INSANE
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA
I LOVE CICELY ELIZABETH GARNIER AND BRITTANY MICHELLE HITSON
AND GUESS WHAT???????????? IM MOVING ! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 29th, 2005|08:21 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | job for a cowboy | ] |
So hm.
I am so happy right now. Unbelievably. because i found the boy i like. im not really sure of alot. but just...wow.
hahah, im giddy. stffuu
i love cicely and brittany hitson so much. if i died, i would just be really sad.. obvsly, but I would be so glad I had gotten best friends again and that I hadn't died before I met them.
I still remember the first time I met CICELY! OMG at Animal Planet's little show at Eastchase. It was swelteringly hot. and we were on cell phones and talking to find each other and i looked up and had this huge stupid smile on my face. Amazing how we've evolved.
im about to start hanging out with some new people. Which is about to make me and Birmingham alright.
Let the good shows begin. Let everything start again.
And New Years Eve, I will quite possibly be partying in Montgomery. hahahah
I think this is just the effect new clothes will have on me. And shopping and new weave and a new haircolor underneath possibly.
Im not really aware. But i'm so over him, and situations are just gravvy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|06:46 pm] |
Today after school I went to the walking track and ran with Tiffany, becca, and Bro. Mark. We did 3 miles, and ran this beautiful cross country trail. And we went across this log, it was sweet. I sang Sailor Moon and!! the best part was lying in the back of tippies truck with becca while tiffany did a perfect donut in the gravel. ohhh snap, that was so cool, but i thought i was going to die.
Plans for this week, let me lay them out;
Tuesday: Nothing, study, go run again
Wednesday: I won't be at school, im going on the trip to Montgomery. I have a feeling i'll cry. Oh and pay for the deposit for ski trip.
Thursday: Nothing except exams and checking out early, but I need a ride home some im being resourceful. No show.
Friday: Yet again, exams, and finding a ride to take me home when its time to check out. Also Asha's birthday party, which I don't know if I want to go to.
The weekend is busyy. Saturday all christmas shopping and Sunday I go home to the Gump,(Montgomery), and will be there until Xmas day.
I decided there's two things I want real bad for Christmas:
Dear Santa/whoever makes things work for me,
I want
1. Boy, a specific one I think
2. To be a different person
Thanks,
Meagan ♥
today was crapish. i hatehatehatehatehate my bangs so much. i keep saying its only hair but im not the person whom that comforts. they look like coot hair or sommahthig. And I got the back cut shorter since that grows faster than the front BECAUUSE I want my hair to grow out like this( i stole this idea from chacha_cha, or Chelsea)
I LOVE IT ITSSO PRETTY. I hope it'll look alright and stuff, oh that'd be wonderful. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 9th, 2005|08:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | gregs music | ] |
I am so tired of this game.
My hair looked great tonight. I don't even care if no one liked it. I got it exactly the way I wanted and it looked perfect to me. My dad was hecka late picking me up for the christmas parade.
So basically I stood at the fricking parade alone, and cold. I planned something else, but really, when do my plans ever work out.
I hatettetete this situation. Absolutely and with everything I want to give up on you. I saw you and I was like, NOOO im not going to talk to him. Because I had stood there the whole parade like an idiot when I hadn't even planned to go in the first place.
Just tell me you love me, like you think you want to be loved.
I feel myself falling apart a little again. I called my mother and she wasn't there.
I want to go home to Montgomery.
--
Nobody is going to fricking believe me when I say I had the most amazing political post I've ever written about how liberals should go watch CNN and conservatives could go watch Fox(I think I got it right). About how most importantly and strangely, politics depress me so bad. And how you young boys' nonsense political talk doesn't get across to me. How people cut out parts of the interview on the news to put to their story. How people need inspirational stories on the news instead of this negativity, that thats why I don't ever actually read the paper or watch the news. I don't think the media ever gives you the right information, and I think that's why we have cultural stereotypes, like Arabs representing the blow apart twin towers, you know, its ridiculous. I HATE IT, I HATE POLITICS!
And that post got deleted while I was trying to add Smashing Pumpkins lyrics to it. That just makes me want to cry. And if anyone would of read it, I would really, really of appreciated it and truly respected what/if anything you had to say or how you responded. |
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| Walking In a Wintter Wonderland |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|03:58 pm] |
Things are beginning to fall in place. I answered the pretests without my book and got most right.
Michelle got home when I got off the bus and she told me I could go on the ski trip with Valley View youth group, and that they'll give me money to buy the ski clothing and food and shopping. So that's great stuff. I've also got $300+ dollars to spend for clothes for christmas so they can be wrapped and put under the tree.
Ive been texting Stephanie and i'm trying to make a date during Christmas break to chill with her. I got my facial mask thingy today, those things make me so happy. I think Rachel is getting me an iTunes card and I need new songs on that thing so thats splendid too. No drama at school, not that I get involved anyways, and i'm helping people with their lives. Sort of. Alison wanted me to go to the Basketball game tonight, but I said I had stuff to do. I don't really, so I don't know why I didn't go. I love my life right now but my stress level is still pretty high. I dont want to date boy who only wants me for sex and someone to try to get involved in drugs. Because i'm just Not going to do it, seeing as what its done to People I love, One person specifically.
Soooo. Yeah.
I still don't have those pictures. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|02:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ipod shuffle/neva dinova | ] |
Yesterday was fine. ALison was dropped off here and I got ready and we took pictures. We went over to the park and took more and my dress kept slightly blowing up due to the wind. I saw this guy who looked familiar and then another one from my school, but alison knew him so i was like lettts go to the other side. She climbed a tree and I fell on the concrete. Then we swang if thats a word and my knees started hurting. I talked to Pickles on the phone and he told me he used to live in my house. I was suprised. Then we walked to the Flashback play and it was boring, except when gabe pulled a pencil out of his afro. Blahhh. We got home and ordered chinese and played lincoln logs with catapults. I cut my plaid shirt into pieces. Good times
Blahh, i still musty. I should take shower. Mm. Alison is uploading the pictures so I'll post again tonight or tomorrow.
Savvy
ps- people need to text me/text me back. especially when im in class with a $1+ of letters!PLEASE |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2005|05:19 pm] |
HAA
pictures coming soon |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2005|06:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | saosin | ] |
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
thats all ive gotta say.
+burts beeswax chapstick with drinking a peppermint mocha from starbucks.
alison and i are just spending the entire day at the park across the street from my house, so we'll call a bunch of people to come and hopefully they will. this is an invite though like 2 people from my list live in birmingham. and going to the flashback play that night.
My derm. said my face looked better and gave me a facial mask, so I just kept waiting. I need to stop sleeping on the right side of my face though.
Father and I are showing up at the December 15th show. I hope it'll be alright because I want to make new friends even though my shyness is a disadvantage. I just want new friends with good hair. and my shoes that came in yesterday.
Whatever, im almost just about to let everything go. I mean...no. Boys are crazy. I am crazy. Ive got this plan that if I dont look at you or speak to you when you pass then my feelings for you will just go away. I'm mixed between if I want them to and that I don't. I wish you'd hang out with me often-er. I absolutely put a little much effort into forming bonds and then get attached when I want to seperate myself from you. I don't try to throw those mean looks in the hall or whatever. I've got no clue. I almost don't want to care about you anymore, though this is proving more difficult, because I know i'm not worth you or your time. This shouldn't be a load on your mind. I felt like letting this go and getting things out there with you. My friends have told me to forget you and I usually don't hold crushes long unless i've got you substantial on what you say. Maybe I want you to prove it to me. Sure, I know i'm not much to you. Im quitting making this a big deal though. I sort of like you.
Attached.
But not depressed. Just letting things go as they want.
Know what? Forget about it. I've got a boy best friend in m-town who'll hold my hand and just be my friend, and girls who will go to target and panera bread and drink jones soda and talk about how boys aren't needed. I've got a boy in montgomery who I havent seen since before the summer who won't remember me but I still could wrap my arms around and talk about eating four corners of a cheez it. I got plans and I don't mind being alone and I dont really want a boyfriend, like Britt and Cece when we're together its better than being with boys.Id still like to see you more often but I know that I can live without being in a relationship with you right now.
Cool. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|01:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
im about to dye my hair
and i hung out with a boy i like friday(WAIT WTF, I MEANT TUESDAY, MY BRAIN DOESNT WORK ANYMORE)GAH
he is amazing
more than just... what i can type
and im not supposed to be on here so!
i gotta go
but i cant stop thinking about him!
he should know its about him too. =D
im happy again |
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